Ego Death
adapted from a journal entry
That’s what I mean, though-
Everything has burned down.
I’m rising from the ashes,
Albeit traumatized and shaken,
But I’ve never felt more alive.
It feels like The Universe
Has stripped me down to my bare soul-
Pulled me apart into pure essence,
Leaving behind scattered nouns and adjectives
That I’ve claimed in this life,
Ultimately, it all means nothing.
I mean, seriously;
I was once a daughter,
Now I want to be a son.
Instead, I’m not sure I exist at all.
Certainly not to my parents.
So, which is true?
I used to be Savanna
But I don’t even know who that is anymore
I was her once, but she is not me now.
How could one’s ego not die in these conditions?
Nothing tangible lasts,
You can acquire things, but what’s the point
When one day the other shoe will drop
And you’ll lose it all anyway?
Staring down the cliff, I inevitably have to dive,
About to lose my pets, my bed, and my mind.
It’s terrible, but I can’t help but laugh maniacally,
And not just because I’m off my meds.
Raw truth is often found in insanity,
Though most fear unfiltered notions-
They don’t want candor unless it’s sparkly.
I mean, this is just “another one of those” situations to me.
I feel like I’m ultimately doomed to die and lose it all,
But somehow, I survive the blaze every time.
Believe me, I’m not cocky.
I know it’s a dangerous line to walk
And that each day that I breathe fresh air
Is a gift for which I am very grateful.
*First published in: Record of Dissent
