Salutations, swag meister! My name is Aubrey, and I am the operator behind the curtain of this very slay website you’ve stumbled across. I sure hope you’re ready for an absurd ride. Make sure to strap in, say goodbye to your loved ones and everything you’ve ever known because it’s about to get all caddywompus in here.
First, let’s establish some context. I am a twenty-six-year-old nonbinary artist living in Texas. I am living with bipolar II disorder, c-PTSD, and autism in a country that prefers to believe that people like me are stains on the windshield of their idealist “American Dream”. That’s right, my mere existence is a rebellion, which is pretty metal if you ask me. I have quite the hefty lore, ranging from corporate America workplace trauma, cuckoo bananas roommates situations, mommy and daddy issues, two partial hospitalizations, one residential admittance, many mental breakdowns, moving 18 times in the past decade between four states, falling for and being hurt by too many sub-par men, domestic violence and SA survival and honestly so much more that if I told it all to you right now, we would be here for a looooooong time. The bottom line is that I am twenty-six, but I have lived more story arcs than almost everyone I know, so I seriously feel like I’m ancient.
Okay, so why am I airing out my dirty laundry? Why would I want to come on here and write about things that, when they happened fucking sucked? The simple answer is that I want to tell my story because my lore is juicy and I’m a gifted writer. The longer answer is that because of my colorful life, most of the people in my life have thrown me away under the guise that I am too much and am going to turn into the piece of shit that both of my parents are. My parents going cuckoo bananas in their respective ways was one thing, but after coming out as trans and ditching my “stable” corporate job in favor of my sanity? Let’s not forget to mention the fact that I am a visibly alternative queer person living in Texas. I am gawked at and looked at with disdain on a daily basis. Let’s just say, I have had to become really comfortable in who I am to compensate with how uncomfortable most of the world is with me.
Look, I’ll be real- I tried to be normal. Fuck, I mean I really tried. I was convinced that I was neurotypical until I was diagnosed with bipolar at 19. I remember telling one of my friends this, and they responded, “Really? We always knew.” I ditched my band tees and black skinny jeans after my mom told me I wore too much black in favor of floral “hippie” vibes. One of my first brand names was This Boho Rose, wherein I wore only flowy floral dresses and spoke very candidly about my spiritual journey, convinced by my father at a young age that toxic positivity was self-help. I hated myself for a long time because when Gary Vee told me I needed to “work my face off” to be successful. My disabilities started disabling, and my personality shifted… I, too, believed that I would never be able to become successful.
I have never been able to fit myself into one box- whether it was with my gender, sexuality, interests, or aesthetics. Beginning my blogging and social media journey in 2016, I was not welcomed for differentness, but told over and over again that I would only be successful if I “niched myself down”. So, I disregarded and threw away so many parts of myself in favor of the ones that I hoped would lead to popularity and financial gain. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t fluctuate in the topics of my content, but that I would jump from topic to topic, throwing things at the wall hoping something would stick. During my time on TikTok, I posted videos about mental health, addiction recovery, tarot readings, crystals, body positivity, autism, queerness and coming out, bipolar disorder, and my life as it was happening. I wish at the time I had appreciated this for the internal exploration that it was, rather than chastise it for not making me money.
Now? I’m sure it’s not a surprise with a chosen name like Aubrey Phoenix that I am here to leave an impression rather than to leave with a paycheck. I have been changing and recovering on repeat for my whole life. I have rarely had time to breathe between moves, between trauma, or between internal shifts from the above. Now, resting comfortably in a stable home with family, which I love and love me, I can finally breathe and create without the pressure of what success means to anyone but myself. I created this website to be a place where I can publicly share the things that I create and write about, no matter what that means in the moment. With that in mind, I am publicizing it because I know that I could have used some of my recovered words when I was in the darkest places of my life. I wish I had a queer creator in my early life to show me that I could be whatever I wanted to be, no matter what it meant to anyone else around me. If I can reach one person who is suffering, extend a hand to one person who wants to leave this scary, unforgiving world and convince them to stay and to create for the sake of creating and to love for the sake of loving? That’s more than I could ever hope for.
Now! Introductions aside, here are some things that you can anticipate from my website:
- Public Journal entries about my life and lore, the world, influential media, mental health, and philosophy/spirituality
- Original poetry
- Books~ one published (All The Things I Left Unfinished) and one in the works
- Cosplay and other nerdy stuff! For now, just my handmade Jinx from Arcane cosplay, but eventually, twitch streaming and other creations
- Drawings, finished prints, stickers, keychains, and more (coming soon)
- Crocheted creations in the form of bandanas, clothes, decor, and adorable amigurumi plushies
It’s so very nice to meet you, thank you for reading this quick summary of my tale and for journeying along with me. I look forward to sharing more of my transformation along the way- after all, I’m in my villain era <3
Catch you on the flip side, goobers.
~ Aubs
